Chapter 3: My 30’s – Angry and Determined

Ch 1. / Ch 2. / Ch 3. / Ch 4.  / Ch 5.

Determination and Details: Try 3

After another year or two of feeling aimless and unsure, I wanted a closer look at what wasn’t working. I tweaked my approach and expectations.

I needed something “constant”. Not periodic accomplishments. I like the “big accomplishments” as they really inspire me and put a dent in my progress, but unless I won the lottery, that wasn’t going to be an ongoing option.

What” needed work? Well.. When out, I’m very quiet. Insecure. Have anxiety.
Who” do I want to be? I imagined her, as if she was a friend to look up to.
How” to change? – Less quiet, and more thought into how I portray myself. Body language, personality. My influence.
Facts” I need to remind myself when something isn’t worth worrying about. And that I’m bigger than my physical anxiety.

I started out simple. Eg. In a cab, I wanted the window down. My anxiety made me clam up. Would he be annoyed? Would my nerves make me sound weird? Fact: People ask for the window down, just ask nicely. If he gets annoyed, that’s on him, not you. I asked, and he was so nice about it! “Oh yes, sure!” and down it went.

I would say Hi walking by random people. Their faces would change, most of them were happy to be acknowledged. I did have influence. Where I live is very small, so in terms of exposure to new situations, I didn’t get a whole lot.

Since anxiety begins by sub-consciously initiating adrenaline, our overall mood has to change. Our expectations. A lot of the time, I’d think of “future me”.. how she’d react in the same situation. What she’d say to me. Giving my brain a better option to chose from. The longer I did this, the quicker “she’d” come to mind. I feel more like her these days.

The trick is to be consistent, yet expect bad days. When they come, accept bad days happen to everyone, and continue on as best you can.

You will begin to fill the social gap that anxiety has left you. You get to explore who you are, and rebuild as you want! It can be very exciting!!

Ch 1. / Ch 2. / Ch 3. / Ch 4.  / Ch 5.

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