Your vibe is “perfume”

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Without saying a word, your energy affects others. Body language, the look in your eyes, tone of voice when you do speak…

When you aren’t aware of this, you may unintentionally make others feel things you don’t wish them to. The good news is, you can do something about it!

I learned a while back, that we can influence our surroundings and conversations (I also learned, some people have bad days for various reasons no matter what I do – which is ok, we all have bad days)

Be mindful of your body and interactions.
They don’t have to be major gestures!

Voice and Reactions

Take the lead, if you like. Casually smile and say hello. Genuinely compliment something about the other person or make positive conversation about their job. Making them feel welcome is a wonderful way to fill the air with good vibes.

Should they be in a rotten mood, try a little consideration in your tone. Sometimes sharing a good mood is enough to lift them up. Even if it’s just when they see you! You have the ability to control your emotional reputation.

colorfulsquare I see some people who have very inconsiderate (may be intentional) relations socially. Yet, they are upset that they do not have eg. “that special someone”. Your vibe is your perfume. If you leave a bad smell in the air? Who is going to enjoy your company? Words, reactions.. they are your responsibility. If you have difficulty with your mood and relationships, take the time to understand yourself – why you are having this problem. Where does it stem from? What is making you angry? Can you see yourself as a changed person.. why or why not? Where does the focus and mending need to happen, to live at your best?

Please remember: CHANGE can be a pain, but it does eventually become natural (and painless) once you figure yourself out – and realise (a) it is possible, and (b) you deserve it. Should you decide to find a therapist, don’t stop looking till you find one you click with. They aren’t all the same.


 

Body Language Tips

(courtesy: selfgrowth.com/Robert Phipps)

1. Eye Contact
Eye contact is one of the most important aspects of dealing with others, especially people we’ve just met. Maintaining good eye contact shows respect and interest in what they have to say. We tend to keep eye contact around 60-70% of the time, (however, there are wide cultural differences, so be careful in other countries). By doing this you won’t make the other people feel self conscious, like they’ve got a bit of vegetable stuck between their teeth or a dew drop hanging from the nose. Instead, it will give them a feeling of comfort and genuine warmth in your company. Any more eye contact than this and you can be too intense, any less and you give off a signal that you are lacking interest in them or their conversation.

2. Posture
Posture is the next thing to master. Get your posture right and you’ll automatically start feeling better, as it makes you feel good almost instantly. Next time you notice you’re feeling a bit down, take a look at how you’re standing or sitting. Chances are you’ll be slouched over with your shoulders drooping down and inward. This collapses the chest and inhibits good breathing, which in turn can help make you feel nervous or uncomfortable.

3. Head
Head position is a great one to play around with. When you want to feel confident and self assured keep your head level both horizontally and vertically. You can also use this straight head position when you want to be authoritative and want what you’re saying to be taken seriously. Conversely, when you want to be friendly and in the listening, receptive mode, tilt your head just a little to one side or other. You can shift the tilt from left to right at different points in the conversation.

4. Arms
Arms give away the clues as to how open and receptive we are to everyone we meet and interact with, so keep your arms out to the side of your body or behind your back. This shows you are not scared to take on whatever comes your way and you meet things “full frontal”. In general terms the more outgoing you are as a person, the more you tend to use your arms with big movements. The quieter you are the less you move your arms away from your body. So, try to strike a natural balance and keep your arm movements midway. When you want to come across in the best possible light, crossing the arms is a no-no in front of others. Obviously if someone says something that gets your goat, then by all means show your disapproval by crossing them!

5. Legs
Legs are the furthest point away from the brain, and consequently they’re the hardest bits of our bodies to consciously control. They tend move around a lot more than normal when we are nervous, stressed or being deceptive. So best to keep them as still as possible in most situations, especially at interviews or work meetings. Be careful too in the way you cross your legs. Do you cross at the knees, ankles or bring your leg up to rest on the knee of the other? This is more a question of comfort than anything else. Just be aware that the last position mentioned is known as the “Figure Four” and is generally perceived as the most defensive leg cross, especially if it happens as someone tells you something that might be of a slightly dubious nature, or moments after (as always, look for a sequence).

6. Body Angle
Angle of the body in relation to others gives an indication of our attitudes and feelings towards them. We angle toward people we find attractive, friendly and interesting and angle ourselves away from those we don’t – it’s that simple! Angles include leaning in or away from people, as we often just tilt from the pelvis and lean sideways to someone to share a bit of conversation. For example, we are not in complete control of our angle at the cinema because of the seating nor at a concert when we stand shoulder to shoulder and are packed in like sardines. In these situations we tend to lean over towards the other person.

7. Hand Gestures
Hand gestures are so numerous it’s hard to give a brief guide…but here goes. Palms slightly up and outward is seen as open and friendly. Palm down gestures are generally seen as dominant and possibly aggressive, especially when there is no movement or bending between the wrist and the forearm. This palm up, palm down is very important when it comes to handshaking and, where appropriate, we suggest you always offer a handshake upright and vertical, which should convey equality.

8. Spatial Relations
Distance from others is crucial if you want to give off the right signals. Stand too close and you’ll be marked as “pushy” or “in your face”. Stand or sit too far away and you’ll be “keeping your distance” or “stand offish”. Neither is what we want, so observe if in a group situation how close all the other people are to each other. Also notice if you move closer to someone and they back away – you’re probably just a tiny bit too much in their personal space, their comfort zone. “You’ve overstepped the mark” and should pull back a little.

9. Ears
Yes your ears play a vital role in communication with others, even though in general terms most people can’t move them much, if at all. However, you’ve got two ears and only one mouth, so try to use them in that order. If you listen twice as much as you talk you come across as a good communicator who knows how to strike up a balanced a conversation without being me, me, me or the wallflower.

10. Mouth
Mouth movements can give away all sorts of clues. We purse our lips and sometimes twist them to the side when we’re thinking. Another occasion we might use this movement is to hold back an angry comment we don’t wish to reveal. Nevertheless, it will probably be spotted by other people and although they may not comment, they will get a feeling you were not too pleased. There are also different types of smiles and each gives off a corresponding feeling to its recipient which we’ll cover next time.


 

 

Compassion – Full View / Grey Area

Before I get into it, let’s make the subjects clear:

colorfulsquare Com·pas·sion
[kəmˈpaSHən]

NOUN
  1. sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others:
    “the victims should be treated with compassion”
    synonyms: pity · sympathy · empathy · fellow feeling · care · concern · solicitude · sensitivity · warmth· love · tenderness · mercy · leniency · tolerance · kindness · humanity · charity
colorfulsquare Thor·ough
[ˈTHərō]

ADJECTIVE
  1. complete with regard to every detail; not superficial or partial:
    “planners need a thorough understanding of the subject”
    synonyms: rigorous · in-depth · exhaustive · thoroughgoing · minute · detailed · close · meticulous · methodical · careful · complete · comprehensive · full · extensive · widespread · sweeping ·

     

colorfulsquare Grey a·re·a
[ɡrā ˈerēə]
NOUN
  1. An open range of “direction potential” small facts meeting between hard facts. Pivotable information.

synonyms
debatable · open to question

 


Have you noticed a big drop in compassion?
○ Why and how does this happen?
○ What is needed to have compassion?

Small societal changes slide slightly over time, unnoticed. Until one day, we look back and wonder “How did we get here?”. It adds up.

Compassion requires selflessness. It is sensible and responsible to look into a situation fully before judging – especially if it is serious. Maturity also allows one the ability to see what good could, or should have come, for that individual.


There is a disconnect between our fellow man, causing problems that otherwise wouldn’t be. Stress and heartache, worldwide. Our morale, for lack of a better word? Sucks. It only matters “to us”, when it happens “to us”.



The solution is to care for others as we’d like others to care for us if we were treated the same way.
Sad, when that is looked at negatively by grown men and women. Is it considered unnecessary, or soft to some. “I wouldn’t be in that situation.” Maybe not, but that doesn’t’ mean you wont be in one, where others could say the same.

We are different – we live different lives, have different obstacles and circumstances, sometimes from the get-go. If a person is “good”, trying to be, or has the potential to be (known through the details/homework) – why not show them compassion?

If one doesn’t want to do the homework? Simply back away from the subject. Not wanting to show compassion, doesn’t mean you have to do the opposite.

colorfulsquare What makes one constantly cold or cruel?
Selfishness. Immaturity. Laziness. Not wanting to “look” a certain way (eg. soft)

The inability to connect with people emotionally can have a serious affect on relationships (family, dating etc) If you meet with relationship difficulties often, or find people aren’t positive or very close with you, ask yourself if you’re giving enough consideration to draw others into a good place with you. To be “with” people, you have to be considerate of people.

It’s what we ask of our kids? Why let go of something so healthy and right.

Where all of my writings stem.

I write to reach people, who may wish to be reached.
The two places where my writings stem from:
Life, and Psychology.

colorfulsquare Life

No matter your beliefs – religion, personal…
We are all under the same sky. In the same mysterious cosmic dance together.

Having beliefs, does not make, nor dissolve the truth of where we come from. They say “A rose by any other name”, is still a rose. Whatever you think of God, Nature, the Universe, Energy.. it/they are the same for us all. We originate from the same place. We live on the same planet. We breath the same air, under the same sun.

A divide may feel true, but it is not.

Secondly. Should any of these energies of which we came, have the ability to think deeply? Then they know the centuries of confusion spiraling around us as each new generation comes along. Therefore, there is understanding. Humans are not perfect. Our souls are not up front, not with so much confusion in the way.

colorfulsquare Psychology

From birth, our minds are clean.

Take parents, neighbourhoods, TV, school.. there are wonderful things in each, however abuse and such happen that affect our growth and happiness. Our personalities, and our methods of being educated differ.. so the extent of misguidedness can be great. It can also cause a spark, that leads down a road only within that individual’s mind.

It’s hard to help when we don’t realize just where someone is “going”.

The wrong turns our mind takes, do not undo the good we once knew. It’s my belief, that we can get back to beneficial understanding and behaviours. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it can be done. The way back, is there.. “under fallen trees of bad experiences”, catch my drift? Question is.. do you/they want it. It’s for you. For a happiness you forgot, or no longer think is attainable.

My last, and longtime thought on psychology and our future:
At a young age/while we grow… To learn what is good, and how powerful our mind is. The rights of people in general, as people. Learning problem solving and how to think ahead.

colorfulsquare I outlined a course I wouldn’t mind seeing available one day.


Life isn’t totally what is put in front of us. It is also the paths and opportunities we create, sometimes seemingly out of nothing.
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A way out of Insecurity? (Our Needs)

What fuels your insecurity?
Not enough social media “likes”? How others treat you?
It’s only human to want to be wanted. It’s one of Maslow’s Needs:

Maslows_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg_

When it comes to unintentionally disappointing people I really care about, my insecurity can drop. I suppose many are guilty of that!

So! Let’s take a look at the upper three tiers of our needs and how they mingle.

Love/Belonging, Self-Esteem, and Self-Actualization.

What makes you feel complete? Do you know your passions? Your talents? Do you feel you belong, or have someone trustworthy who wants you for you? Someone you can be vulnerable with emotionally and sexually? How about the reality of your faults – as we all have them. Should we beat ourselves up?

The answer to that last one is, no. Even if you have an addiction that you keep falling back into; if you are trying your best and being honest with yourself and others, you should not beat yourself up. That will not help you.

Other’s are not responsible for the healing change in our emotional state, or some of us would never heal. When we get down on ourselves, we pause our progress, and give off a quiet, unhappy energy.

Making sense of your worth and purposes is where to begin. Forget ALL of the swirling worries. Yes. All! Give yourself permission to let them go (feels good!)

colorfulsquare  Beneficial thoughts to occupy your mind.

You are human:
Not a soul on this planet is perfect! Intended or not, big or small, imperfections are a part of us. Therefore I will repeat, not to beat yourself up.

You are in control:
From letting go of the people and/or thoughts that keep you upset, to deciding how to treat yourself at any given moment, to where you’d like to be 10 yrs from now!

The choices you make now, affect each day that follows. Bad days will happen, but learn not to dwell on them. Nor to hold a grudge (on anything or anyone) as – again – no one is perfect 😉

Should your problems stem from eg. a disorder or abuse, it isn’t easy to find your way out of that foggy existence. The possibility depends on your willingness to love yourself, and keep the attempted progress going. Never see blips or phases of re-surfacing issues as a failure. It does not undo your progress!

When we mush together every factor of negative influence, no wonder it’s hard to see clear. It’s very important to take time for yourself. To step back and view the big picture. To love and respect yourself. This is how you change your life and attract new experiences!

Another helpful tip: If you were witnessing someone you love going through the same problems as you; what advice would you give? We are our own worst critics, especially when we are inside the storm. It feels sometimes like life is too broken to be fixed.

Life is not one long piece of art that turns to rubbish with one defacement. It goes moments at a time. Life is a collection of art! We can change our creativity, our pieces that we show the world. Nothing is carved in stone. We have much more freedom than we realize.

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One Life. Many Paths. Final Choice.

Excuse the sloppy HTML. WordPress is not co-operating no matter what. 

This post is inspired by the murders and violence seen daily. I wonder what makes a person ok with killing. How it comes to that, or if they could’ve found a different path mentally.

I know it’s possible for people to change mentally (unless biologically ill, eg. schizophrenia) I know this because of the work I’ve done with my social anxiety disorder. The changes my life has seen (good and bad) The power I didn’t know I had. I’m not finished – we never are.

I believe we can educate future generations to handle life much more mindfully. The amount of hate and killing going on is crazy and it doesn’t have to be this way.

It really doesn’t!

The day more people believe this, is the day change begins.
I can’t do it alone. We can do it together.


Our first breath introduces us to the purest we’ll ever be. Parents, community, media, environment; factors mold us. They shape our feelings, therefore our decisions and outcomes.
One life, “mine”, is sometimes the only life we truly see. We make our own rules to get what we want. The problem lies in when “wants” collide.
The truth is, we are not one life. We do live as “we”. There is no escaping that.

It’s easy to see where we’ve been. Paths before us can range from nightmarish to a dream. Both can strengthen or weaken. It depends on our foundation. Our values and education.
Making our own rules while on a rocky foundation, is never planned. It can lie to you, as if it’s happiness – or the happiest you’re capable of. That is the second problem that solidifies clashing lives. It can also create anger or pain. With no desire to care about others.
The lie about happiness – can and needs to be – risen above. That is where the answer
exists in today’s nightmares. Some are so broken that better days are not believable.

Final choices are malleable.
Having a healthy-based destination in mind – be-it emotional or achievement-wise, helps keep your strength and the good aligned. Your present choices, are attached to where you genuinely want to be.
We are not perfect – not a one of us. We are not alone (feeling so IS a lie. You have not met every person on the planet. People who can support you and care) Our lives are not carved in stone. We do not control others, but we can help as best we can (others and ourselves)

What final choices do you want to meet?
How far above the lies of limits and loneliness, can you rise?
Can you see the power you have to change?

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One Life

When you take one life. You aren’t taking a little piece of life on Earth, you’re taking 100% of that person’s identity. You’re affecting that person’s Family, Friends, and Community.

You are not winning a war.

You are not bettering your one life.

You are creating darkness for them, and for you.

Whether religious or not – It is no one’s place, to decide when another should die.
Should another decide when your time is up?

Life isn’t really ongoing. It’s “One”. For example, one person: Living their life.
One person’s experiences, shaping their thoughts.
One person’s fears and desires.
One person, who has “Family and Friends”.
One person who started out a baby.
One person born with individual circumstances.
One person with their own achievements & imperfections.
I could go on.
We all share the above.
  • Who says something like skin colour, make’s another unworthy?
    Are different races not guilty of the same things?
  • Who says when it’s time for a life to end? Are you not allowed time to learn and change? Is it ok for someone to decide that for you?
  • Whatever happened to manners, or at least minding your own business? Civility?
We become desensitized as we see violence and judgement going on in person or through media. We have hate looming in us, from our own difficulties.
Still – how is harming or killing – an answer? Does it solve your problem? Or have you become something worse than what you saw in your victim? If someone has committed a crime against you? Find the most proper way to solve it instead of ruining your one life.
  • How and when will people see the truth in where problems lie?
    It isn’t in race.
    Or gender.
    It isn’t in other’s choices (as long as they aren’t literally harming you)
    And even then, must you kill?
The answer is to each improve within our one life as best we can.
Help each other, as best we can when able.

Move on, when we can’t.

It’s not your right to harm or kill, as it isn’t anyone’s right to do the same to you.

Why don’t people want to either get along, or move along?
By epiphany, doctors, friends, God, however… your one life can be happier.
Put some thought into this, and try to view from different angles.
Your One Life can change drastically, even if others don’t.

Changing your values and actions,
changes who is in your life, and where you go.