Where I find comfort… (you too?)

Sometimes when I’m down, I remind myself of a couple things:

Personally – People. Opportunities. Epiphanies.. We really don’t know what’s around the corner, or what will become of these things…

  • You could be alone one day, feeling grey. The next, you meet someone who awakens the best of you and you start down a new scenic path in your life.
  • You could be on a walk, and have a life-changing epiphany out of nowhere. Maybe doors aren’t open yet for a reason. Or there are doors you had no idea were waiting for you!

Perhaps you’ve lost someone, or another part of yourself (eg. career) It feels like the sun wont ever shine as bright again.

  • Please realize, you’re not alone. Others living in this world have gone through the same loss and pain. Grieve, cry, talk to loved ones, do what you need to, but please don’t give up on surviving. If you lost a person, they’d want you to grieve, and learn to enjoy life again.
  • If you lost a job, or another part of you.. there could be freedom in this situation, rather than a loss. Think about that. Where is the freedom? Can you lead your own career? Alter your lost career into something new? Or find brand new purpose/enjoyment/passion? Keep a look-out for that freedom.

Worldwide – oh boy! Huh? This world just seems nuts these days.

  • What if.. a generation (already here, or not) some day just says “Enough!” “What’s with the stupidity?” “Why do you want things this way?” and changes the future? That is my hope. A big shift from bright-eyed, healthy-minded, warm-hearted, energetic youngsters! Although if I wish it.. others out there must too. Those youngsters will have us as well (while we do what we can now)

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To Whom It May Concern,

When will people realize what their words and actions create?
How it can sustain like a sour note?

Although, that’s what some want to happen.

Why do they think they have the right to harm a person who – most often – has not harmed them?

How is that an answer? Their only answer?
They wont, or are unable to mull over these questions with an open mind.

What do they see when they look in the mirror?
Being harmful is not clever nor strong.
What cause them to desire inflicting pain?

Do they not believe in change?
They don’t want others to be happy?

Broken.

Pushed aside.

We start a blank slate as babies. Our parents, communities.. help guide (or misguide) us. 100% of our world – is all we know. It is not, in all honesty, 100% of this world we share.

100% of your life, is not the end of you. We learn, connect.
We have way more power than we know.

Influence.

Reputation.

Do not look straight on the path you’re given.
You will miss the rest of the world.

You will miss who you really are, at your best.

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Perception Vs. Reality: Judgement and Reactions

Let’s draw a few mental pictures. I’m going to write the appearance, as well as the view behind the subjects eyes. How does the view compare to reality? And what comes (or could come) of it?

Case (A)

Quiet, stares off often, exhibits snap anger when bothered. This teen, also happens to be an American, Muslim.

● How did you feel up to reading “Muslim”?
● What would you feel seeing his outward emotions?

Truth is, he just lost his Grandfather who’d been raising him; the only person he trusted. His pain is internal, he’s harmless. Sad, and angry, but harmless. He gets bullied by people who jump to conclusions, assuming he’s evil therefore – his outward appearance is tied to “evil” when blanketed by the assumption. Not seen in his reality: Hurt, scared, sad, angry, bullied. That’s what his heart and mind are filled with.

How do you think he’d react, if people treated him like any other person? With interest, and compassion? Long and short term, what positive things could come of living in reality?

Without Prejudice?


Case (B)

A lady in her 80s; She walks very slow, and has a miserable look on her face all the time.

She has years of aches, extreme physical pain, and lost friends under her belt. No one checks up on her. She feels ill and forgotten.

Do you ignore her? Become annoyed?

5 seconds to say Hello and smile. Maybe another 2 minutes to talk about the weather… that could make her day! I know from experience, sometimes older people are so upset that a Hello doesn’t work at first.. if you keep saying it every time you walk by, they eventually believe you mean it.

Sometimes older people have quite the life to share! Or are just plain sweet and thankful that someone is acknowledging them. If we all live to an old age, we could be them, feeling ill and forgotten.

Patience, and sharing a smile. It’s so simple, yet might be the bright spot in someone’s day! (Not just older people)


The following are presented a little differently. About the “Perception and Reality” of Insecurity.

Online everywhere, I see multiple ways Insecurity affects people:

It takes up their time. Even when no one has said anything to them, the defensiveness and desire to build their mask/character is apparent. They want to feel better. This attempt repeats so much that it, itself, unintentionally becomes their “online character”.

It can bring people down to continuously see, especially to those who’ve tried to help. To some – since the power to heal is only within the insecure person – they opt not to engage or read what that person has to say any longer.

They don’t hate, but can get mentally tired of seeing something sad that they can’t help with.

It can alter their reality. When their perception of others is seasoned by insecurity: What they feel they see, is real to them, but not necessarily reality

A busy friend can feel like rejection.
An acquaintance with a personality you don’t jive with, can feel like competition.
Old memories cast shadows on totally new relationships.

If you’re the type of person to act on your feelings, you may end up turning your worries into reality. When they weren’t the truth to begin with. Then of course, the reaction from others feeds your insecurity and beliefs more.


(Other perceptions)

Do you feel entitled, or better than others? 
If the tables were turned, you’d think it was wrong of someone to treat you badly without knowing you. Deep down, you know that is true of those you meet. Each individual is different. Each individual has gone through problems. Don’t assume. And if you wont communicate as effort to understand or help, just move on.

Have 100% of a “category” of people you’ve met, been horrible to you?
Have you met 100% of the planet? The paragraph just above also fits here.


Summary

Imagining. Guessing. Assuming. Predicting. All have high potential to create what isn’t there. Not to say, at times we aren’t correct, however more often than not – these choices bring along unnecessary stress or harm.

Interactions could go well. Energy could be spent on great things and on real problems. There could be more happiness in our lives.

 

 

Racism – Responses and Healing

Take two people of the same race.

One has been mistreated, disrespected, and possibly abused physically. Maybe they witnessed such acts, or even unnecessary deaths of his or her race.

You don’t just start treating both “equally” and expect things to be hunky dory. The mistreated person has healing to do. Maybe he or she feels anger. Sadness. Isn’t able to trust. They likely still witnesses/experiences disrespect of their race, even though others are treating them well.

This is why we don’t just “stop talking about Racism”. Or any other problem for that matter. It doesn’t go away like that. This is why we shouldn’t respond to anger, sadness or fear by giving up. It’s a process.

People are people, and when a person has been hurt.. they must heal. It takes time, and compassion. Proper conversation. Not everyone heals the same. Not everyone has been through the same abuse. Unfortunately not everyone wants to take time, nor have
compassion. And when they do talk? They only make things worse. Sad to think, that’s what some are going for. They are not “well”, either. Just in a different way.

It’s a complex world out there. Where you can be positive, please be it. Don’t give up on good change. Tomorrow isn’t written and epiphanies do happen.
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Racism isn’t Reality

I was watching “Star” tonight. Part of the story-line involved the unnecessary death of an innocent, loved, black woman.

In my head I wanted badly for a Family member or friend of hers to take everything that “was” her individuality – her family life, loved ones, sense of humour, job, likes, achievements – everything – into a meeting with the Lieutenant; show him or her (with calm factuality, sincere pain,  eye to eye) WHO they really killed. Prove there was nothing to fear and the killing was needless.

Maybe racism turned the police cold, and they wont care.
Getting them to feel past that is worth the try.

In reality.. she wasn’t a threat, nor was she “below” the police. I felt frustration, anger.. that this is still going on these days. Possibly worse!

When I was a kid, I was certain the world would grow brighter with the wonderful things we’d all be learning as time went on. I’ve learned: Often people break off from what they know pure-heartedly as a child. They make their own rules, some are misguided, angry.. a lot of things can derail an otherwise good human being from that path I so believed in.

That path is still there.. under the heavy, dirty logs of abuse. Behind the haze of steady storms that block one’s vision. It’s still there, if we drudge through the muck and detours to re-connect with it. Grow with it. Feel the best of it together.

Back to my original thought: Racism isn’t reality. No one is better than anyone else – even “if” someone hits problems in their life. Time gives us chance. (True) Talking (not yelling/ignoring), gives us understanding. Connection as humans. Life isn’t a video game where a character just drops off the screen.

People forget what the beautiful facets of life really could be.
They forget how to think and care beyond pain and guesses.

Take us all back to before we were broken. Every one of us. The cracks will mend when we reach out our hands and become whole again.

I honestly consider Racism to be a mental illness. It has no use, the beliefs aren’t fact. We have good and bad people within every race. If one suffers from Racism, they shouldn’t be trusted in a position where innocent people could get hurt 💜

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Quality of Self and Community

I’ve roughly created a course outline with a psychology base to casually yet thoroughly help kids and teens grow into healthy-minded adults who care about:

Quality of Self and Community

Perhaps taught weekly, from 2nd grade through high-school – it’s a class that offers time for students to discuss what’s on their minds (this includes asking anonymously through notes or e-mail) if they like. In addition, and most importantly, the course would offer many answers ready to teach without them asking. At the very least, this plants mental seeds to grow when needed later.

I know you must see the craziness exposed daily on the news. It makes me shake my head. We go from teaching kids to say “please” and “thank you”, then at some point.. they give themselves permission to make up their own rules in life. They feel angry, entitled.. for various reasons. It follows them into adulthood. But if we meet them where it counts, when it counts… we can make a huge difference in the adults and communities of tomorrow. It may just be within Ontario, or Canada for now, but it could catch on.

They’d learn about:

Proper problem solving: (How to think things through. Weigh potential outcomes)
Eg. not begin substance reliance to feel better.

Living with differences: (Race, Religion, Opinions…) This one might be tricky for parents to get on board with. Students would learn the basic facts about individual’s rights, and when it’s more appropriate/worth it to “pick their battles”. There is likely a way to teach this without using the words “race” or “religion”. This way all can have a chance to benefit no matter their parents belief system.

Self-respect/Bullying: (Reputation, legacy…) This ties into rights, as well. It also allows the kids/teens to consider their responsibilities. Power of reputation. And again, potential outcomes.

Growing pains (discovering self, dealing with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem…) It’s difficult growing up! Give them tools to (a) find external resources (doctors, emergency numbers – for suicide, abuse, LGBTQ, mental illness etc., online forums to feel less alone…), (b) ways to help themselves (learn positive self-talk, make plans to feel excited about etc.)

This wasn’t in my original idea, but offering pamphlets for healthy eating might be nice. With food bank info etc. attached.

If there isn’t a course for this: Environment (the health of our planet) Go over what hurts and what helps. Maybe offering an environmental club where they can travel and plant trees, something simple to get them out making a positive difference together.

Why I believe in this course:
Because we’re simply capable of more! It’s possible with effort and thought.
Together, tomorrow will be brighter!
It starts when we want it to. Are you in?

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Social Anxiety and Insecurity

Social Anxiety and Insecurity hinder who we are,
and where we can go.

When these feelings and thoughts come along so strongly in our daily life, after a while, it’s easy to get lost in the idea that this is how it should be – or all it can be. That is not true.

Here are NEW VIEWS to help seek a new (more accurate) you!


Think Facts:

What just happened. How serious is it? How should I feel? How should others feel?

We all go through embarrassing moments, disappointment, judgement…
How one deals with it, is the difference between person to person.

Some tend to ride a wave of hurt or sadness, as high as it will take them, for as long as the wave wants. It doesn’t have to be that way. Depending on the situation – it doesn’t have to be as high, or as long.. or at all!

Is what happened, totally abnormal? It’s never ever happened to anyone before?
Is it really something to beat yourself up over? Or for others to use to hurt you?
What good comes from the actions of my last two questions? …. None.

You own you, that’s it.
Others are responsible for their own reputation and karma.
Fact 😉

Think of this – what if you let go of the concern.. of feeling like you have to fix things.
You don’t have to listen to that worry in you. Nor do you have to be perfect!

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, to just have one focus?
Just one:

Live happy and the rest will fall into place!

Live for YOU! Give yourself permission not to worry about mistakes or others.
What interests you? (or) What might you do to find out?
What makes you feel good? Useful? What excites you?

The worry. Does zero good.
Others who over-react about, hold onto, or find joy in any mistake of your life?
Should be ashamed (if they’re healthy and bright enough to grasp that) 😛

The good things and good people we wish in our life, will happen if we (refreshingly) “just” live happy.

It’s upsetting to let go of certain people and situations we hold valuable.
Nothing is carved in stone! These people and situations, may re-surface (improved)
Or better people and opportunities may arise that you had no idea existed!

Consider NEW VIEWS. As with the anxiety.. give your mind more to chose from.
Respect yourself, love yourself, guide yourself!
Most importantly: Give yourself a break when you’re human!
How you respond to it internally, makes the difference.

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