Ch 1. / Ch 2. / Ch 3. / Ch 4. / Ch 5. / Ch.6
Update 2022
Two new experiments that helped me:
– feel more comfortable talking to people, and,
– improved my confidence/feelings and reactions via my automatic thoughts/subconscious
I don’t think I mentioned these experiments here yet? (I’m sorry)
“Could I roll the window down?” Experiment 1
A simple question – but I thought if I asked, the cab driver would be annoyed (years ago – my anxiety was up this day, self confidence down, felt like a weirdo) He said (in a cheery manner) “Yea, I can do that for ya!” 😐 The whole vibe changed with his tone! I wanted to see if I could do that, too. I started off by saying a genuine cheery “Hello” to strangers. Sometimes I’d switch it up and compliment the weather, or something they were wearing. It worked most of the time! The times it didn’t, I chalked up to “They could be having a bad day, or could have social anxiety themselves – you never know” – so I didn’t take their silence personally.
This experiment proved that I could have some influence on conversations. And if not, at least I tried. There could be a million reasons why people aren’t happy or social.
Seriously asked myself: Why can’t I experience life that way? Experiment 2
Years ago, I discovered cognitive reconstruction by accident.
Progress with my anxiety disorder was great, I was “comfortable”, but my mediocre self-esteem and lingering bits of anxiety were making life stale. I asked myself why I couldn’t live like others – what makes their experience different? Does it come down to how we’re raised? How we see things? Attitude? Sure – why can’t I exist in a different frame of mind?
In that case – who would I be?
These were the questions that got things started:
How do I want to live?, and how do I want others to feel around me?
I pictured myself “5 yrs from now”: Standing a little taller. Not easily bothered. Happier. Friendly yet strong when needed. The vibe of “her” was much lighter and brighter, inside and out. I thought of her often (like how she would’ve experienced a situation I had that day, or just randomly thought of her)
Three months later, I noticed I came out of a situation totally unbothered. I handled it well, and was moving on with my day.
I figured – we have automatic thoughts from our subconscious. They happen before we even realize (they’re involuntary) My brain started picking the “lighter and brighter” automatic thoughts, which lead to a better attitude and experience. It affected my feelings and reactions. 😊
When people say to “think positive”. I’d pass it off because changing isn’t as simple as that. I don’t know if they understand why they’re suggesting it to others, but the why and how is extremely important for us to understand.
Not only do we need to think about how we’d like to change, but believing it’s possible is key.
Walk Past The Monster 